I have come to believe that society has fooled many women, and some men, into believing that the true measure of success is how big your house is, how new your car is and how many vacations you take each year. Sure people expect you to get married and have your 2.5 children but no one really expects you to actually raise them yourself. The conventional school of thought is to find the best child care available and as soon as you give birth you must shrink back down your pre-baby size and get back in the work force. While I have no problem with women working outside of the home I do have a problem with a society that requires it of its women.
I am the proud mother of a one year old and I love her to pieces. It took a few failed pregnancies, the loss of a Fallopian tube and 3 months of bed rest before she graced us with her presence. Like any modern American woman I found the best daycare I could find for her and when she was 11 weeks old we put her in daycare. It wasn't as hard for me to leave her there for 40 hours a week because I had convinced myself that this is the way it had to be. However every week I began to resent going to work while these other people had the chance to mold my daughters mind and personality.
As she got older she became smarter and had learned some sign language and other great things but she also was picking up some habits that I didn't care for like having full on lay on the ground tantrums and, because a child had bitten her a few times, she started biting. Now I'm sure these are things that most children experience but I know that these were learned behaviors instead of just personality quarks inherent to her because one day she wasn't doing these things and after I observed another student exhibiting these behaviors a few days later so was my sweetie.
Well as fate would have it I was laid off from my job of nearly ten years with a lovely severance package and now I was going to be a work from home mom (I also have a home based business). The idea was liberating. Now I could instill all of the values that I wanted my child to have and have a chance to be the type of wife I never had the time to be before (dinner on the table, clean house, laundry done, etc.). Well those first few weeks I fell into a bit of a depression and I couldn't figure out why. Then one day it hit me. I had been working for someone else for over half of my life and I had lost my sense of purpose without a job. Sure raising my daughter full time is a great purpose but did I really know what I was doing? Was I really qualified to teach her numbers and shapes? Would she get the socialization that she would need to continue to be ahead of the curve mentally?
Once I realized that these things were just lies that women have been told for many years I shook off that fear and took on the challenge of making sure that my daughter would not only thrive but enjoy our time together every day. I created a routine for her, established and enforced a nap time daily, starting next month we will be taking a mommy and me dance class and going to free library story time and a drop in play time at our local community center. She is learning shapes, numbers and letters and loves to dance and sing. I am so blessed to have a husband who supports me and to have my home based business that gives me the adult interaction that I need to still feel like I'm a part of society.
While I know that not every woman can or wants to be a full time parent I think that it is important that we start to redefine what parenting looks like and make our children a priority again. I fully believe that a large part of the reason we have so many issues with young people today is because there are too many other things that are being held in higher esteem then our children. If we want our children to thrive then we must find a way to make them more of a priority then we have been. Otherwise things will never change.
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